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Home and Grandbabies

2016-04-02-20-58-12

This morning, I heard my daughter in the kitchen and imagined the four grandsons running about at her feet as she hustled out the door to get them to school and daycare.

I’m not sure who I am right now. Am I a writer? A contemplative? A traveler?

Am I to re-enter the workforce? Do something truly outside the box?

These thoughts hound me, from the moment I wake up, and haunt me throughout the day.

It can be so tiring to weigh the future and try to see the future-me that I feel exhausted.

But my daughter in the kitchen and the sound of grandsons is the best morning call. I grabbed my bathrobe and hurried down the hall. They manage to get out the door so quickly for a family of six – almost seven.

I took Asher in my arms. He laid his head against the plushy fabric of my robe. When it was time to go back to his mom, he cried.

And it is worth it. It is worth being here right now. I could stay right here forever.

I have built a following. The blog had 400 hits in 24 hours. LinkedIn is over 1700. Twitter is going well. The Facebook Page has the highest followers it’s ever had.

I find myself thinking that it can take care of itself. Building a platform isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The faithful either follow, or they don’t.

As long as they follow Him, what does it really matter?

What matters is Asher burying his head into my bathrobe and letting me know in his own way that he loves his grandmother. That she is a soft place. That she will be waiting when he gets back at the end of the day.

What matters is that the Readings are like that for me.

And the Eucharist.

And any number of things I cling to as I go through my day.

The house of my soul is still standing. Jesus says, as He has every day, today I must stay at your house.

Let all the other concerns and questions fade away. This is the only future that matters. The Eternal Now of Jesus in my house.

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